The Art of War

You know, one of the ways I have been able to gauge the depth of a relationship is by what kind of conversations we can have. Naturally, that includes the actual depth of conversations as well. I don’t mean anything like, “How do you feel,” or “Where do you see this relationship going,” although I am sure that those are probably important questions with equally important answers. But if I continue on this track, I can see myself slowly veering from the topic at hand, so let’s get back to “real” conversations. I can’t say that I have had too many serious talks in my life, but the ones that I have had have been among people who I had never thought would become the close friends that I have today (life has a funny way of doing that, huh). Well, anyway, one such discussion happened quite recently. That day, a week or so back (it was a Wednesday in case you were curious), I had every intention that afternoon of grabbing something quick to eat and then going on about my business, but one thing led to another and I found myself in an unexpected conversation with a couple of the other girls talking about the very real effects of war (specifically the various cases of PTSD resulting from the tours that some of our loved ones have been affected by). Whether you’re sexist or not, it is probably not a common thought that a group of girls would be discussing war in such detail over a cup or coffee or whatever, but there we were. I, myself, had not anticipated being a part of such a discussion, nor how difficult at times it would be to hear some of the personal stories the others told. It’s so easy to get caught up in our own “world” that we can forget about the realities of the world around us and how they affect some people quite personally. After that, I wasn’t really able to shake off the indelible impression our talk had left with me. Not that I meant to forget about it per se, but just that it heavily occupied my thoughts. As if I was looking at a picture that didn’t quite look right, and I knew the reason but just couldn’t articulate it… well, I’m not really making sense. Let me try again. When I was younger, there were times when I would get so upset that I felt like I needed to release all of the emotions in just one go, and screaming into a pillow just didn’t cut it. I didn’t know a feasible way to express what I was feeling, and it got to the point where it felt like I was in a desperate panic to do something, anything at all (found out later that just closing my eyes and taking deep breaths usually did the trick). But at the time, I felt like I just had to do something.

I mean, have you ever had those moments when you just needed to move? And if you didn’t do something, it felt like you would miss out on something grand? Like the core meaning of your life or something profound like that? Well, for me now, it’s more like when I’m alone, I feel like I can figure important things out. At times like those, I feel a sort of relief by taking walks (with no particular destination in mind) to clear my head. Again, I’m slowly drifting from the point of interest.. so yeah, with war on the mind, or more like how privileged I had let myself feel while others are dealing with “life,” I decided to take one of my walks. I guess what really got me was realizing that every nation has its own war stories to tell (Japan included of course) – its own history filled with fighting and whatnot. As might be expected, I learned about this all back in school, but learning it from a book and hearing it in person are worlds apart to me. And trying to figure out everything by myself this time was making me feel.. trapped? No, that’s not quite what I was feeling, but anyway, whatever it was, I guess it was a natural response, I suppose. After all, we aren’t meant to do everything by ourselves, but I sometimes forget that. Even if I think of all the implications of war and what it means for us, just thinking alone won’t change anything. Of course, action should start with us and changing ourselves, but it’s okay to reach out to an offered hand and accept help when needed. But that’s just one of the many things I have struggled with in the past (and sometimes even now). I’m not sure exactly where I was going with this… just thought that every now and then, we all need a little “real talk.”